Thursday, April 10, 2014

Turning over a new leaf


So I titled this post "Turning Over a New Leaf" because that is what I am doing.  I've been restless, tired, confused, mad, frustrated, and scared a lot lately.  Yesterday was a really rough day for me.  I was extremely tired (The baby is teething and getting ready to grow so she had been up a lot at night)  So, on top of tired and grumpy I just had a rough day.  Not anyone's fault I could have handled the whole situation better if I would have just remembered one of my most important quotes... " Attitude is EVERYTHING"  

So, after dinner I excused myself to have a few minutes to myself because I was really still struggling.  I cried and then decided that I really needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and pray.  I had prayed throughout the day but my heart had not really been open to hear what God was trying to tell me.  God had put a scripture right in front of my face all day long and I didn't see it until the end of the day.  On my phone I have a daily scripture and it is on my home page.  So literally this was in front of my face all day long...

Romans 12:1-2

1-2So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

Recently I've been struggling with feeling like I'm not able to get enough done... What I can get done I don't ever feel like I've done a good enough job or that it is ever complete.  I've also have been frustrated because I am one person taking care of a family of kids and a husband... I take care of the majority of the house stuff and I never feel like there is enough time to get everything done.  So... basically I was kinda having a pity party!  :-)

I am right where I am supposed to be
I need to stop being so hard on myself and others
I need to remember that loving others is my job (not keeping the house perfect)

I am turning over a new leaf that will include not being to hard on myself, doing the best that I can do do what God has asked me to do, and not to stress about the things that I can't control.



Thursday, February 27, 2014

So many things to write about so little time...

As I sit down to write out this post I realize it has been so.... long since I have really posted on here.  I haven't shared about so many things going on in my life.  Part of why I have been absent from my dear blog is the newest addition to our family.  She is wonderful, beautiful, and needs Mamma's attention... which makes sitting down for a moment to type out my thought nearly impossible.  On top of this daycare kiddos and well just life... So if it's not one it's the other and I have a possible 2 minutes every now and then to think about starting to post to my blog... then a baby cries or a kiddo needs a drink or has fallen down and needs their boo boo kissed and that thought goes out the window... As I type... I am being called.  Baby is awake. So, I'll write more if I get a chance... when I get a chance.  :-)


Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Home Made Apple Goodness!!

I used to think that making home made Apple sauce was really hard to make (no idea what I was basing this on...that is just what I thought) I saw on pintrest how to make apple sauce and thought that sounds ridiculously easy I have to try this!! I did and it was so amazingly delicious. So here is how you make home made apple sauce...

Get two bags of your favorite 3 pound bag of apple's.
Peel them and cut them up...they don't have to be cut up into small pieces.
Put the Apple's in the crock pot
If you like cinnamon put cinnamon in with the apple's
Cook for 4-6 hours
I stir them every now and then
Mash then up and eat them!!
That's it!!
I put them in canning jars and seal them

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Having Faith When Life Gets Tough!

My Mom posted this on Facebook today: This may look like an ordinary Wal-Mart card...BUT GOD used it to save my life!!! Back in September I got a coupon from my health insurance saying IF I got a mammogram before the end of the year they would send me a $20 Wal-Mart gift card...sooo long story, short...they found breast cancer....GOD knew what my little frugal heart needed to get me in to the Dr!! THANKS GOD!! 
Finding out your Mom has Breast Cancer is like one of those I never thought it would happen to me or us sort of moments.  Mom scheduled an appointment for a mammogram after getting a coupon from her health insurance that if she got the mammogram she would get a $20 Walmart gift card.  :-)  God works in mysterious ways, but he know what my Mom would need for that final push to get her there.  Since she had just had a mammogram the previous year (I think).  

When I found out the first instinct was to kinda panic or be scared... and I did a little... but, then I remembered my Mom is in God's protection. I don't understand completely why my Mom would need to go through this, but I trust that God has her right where he wants her and that no matter what He is with her!  So the Collins Family is praying and trusting God's got this!  

Isaiah 43:19
19Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 41:10
10Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

God is in control and I have an amazing amount of peace about all of it.  I do wish I could be there to support my family during this time, but I am doing what I can from out of town.  I am so grateful for the big family that we are and the amazing friends we have!  
Your prayers are very much appreciated!  We do not know for sure when she will have the procedure and treatment, but I will keep updating on this here.  Prayers also for the insurance mess to get lined out...  See they rushed a bit getting the biopsy done quickly since my Mom's insurance was going to be ending because of the lovely Obama Care mess!  So now she is working through... well a mess on that end.  


Thursday, January 2, 2014

My Word for 2014!!

First of all Happy New Year!  I pray that this year will bring you many blessings!  

I have been absent from my Blog now for far to long.  I am hoping that I will be able to post here on a more regular basis going forward.  

I have been selecting a Word to describe what I hope to do for the upcoming year now for a couple of years.  I like this concept that one word describes what I wish to work toward for the year.  In my opinion it makes more sense than making resolutions to loose weight or accomplish certain things.  Most people fall short within the first few weeks and give up. (or maybe that's just me :-)  )  Well if it's just a word a goal for the whole year then it is something that is more reasonable (at least in my mind)  :-)  

So this year I have selected Obedient as my word.  Now this word means so much more than doing what I am told, but it does include this.  I have felt for a while now that I need to write.  It's more like I feel like God is telling me I need to write.  I have put this off... found excuses... all because I am not really sure where to start and what to say. My goal this year to be obedient in that I know this is something I need to do.  I also want to be obedient in so many other areas including faith in lots of areas, health, loving others, being more consistent in reading my bible and making time for myself, as well as making time for myself and my husband.  So you see one word can say a whole lot more than just one thing!  

As I was thinking about what to write in this post I was struggling.  I am a Mom of 4 kiddos ranging from 15 to 7 weeks old and busy is a word that just doesn't cover how my day usually goes.  Making time to do something like writing is hard and is usually at the bottom of the list.  It usually doesn't happen.  I have been struggling because we are struggling financially.  We are in a very very tight spot and I have been pleading with God to show me what I should do.  What path he wants me on.  Every time I ask I get that he wants me to write.  I ask... ok but about what... I just get that I need to write. I have had few other times in my life when I have heard the Holy Spirit speak so clearly to me  So, :-)  I am writing.  I hope you will bear with me as I am not really sure what I should write about, but apparently I have some things to say that maybe others will benefit from... maybe... or maybe this is just for me.  Either way I am writing.   

So here goes!  I'm excited to see what this year holds.  There are many things happening in my life.  The Lord is good ALL the time!  


Thursday, September 12, 2013

I Think I can... Getting Organized... To Do List

I am not even going to talk about what I got done yesterday because it really is pretty much nothing.  So I am going to move on to today.  

Today's To Do:
  • Call Caelan's Orthodontist (already did!)
  • Mail Cody's Thank You's (already did!)
  • Bills (already did)
  • posts (doing right now!)
  • Laundry (I've gotten the first step of getting it all to the laundry room... )
  • List for Shower to Sis (doing after this)
  • Cleaned out frig (did this at lunch time)
  • Still want to do: Etsy researching some stuff
So today had made up for my really not productive days! :-)  Hoping to keep it up!  We shall see!

That's all for now!

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Tuesday Testimony

~Tuesday Testimony~
So I am a day late, but I had not time to write this out yesterday, but still wanted to share so here is Tuesday Testimony a day late

If you missed my last Tuesday Testimony I am starting from where I left off.  I left off that I was in my third trimester of my second child and my husband had told me he wanted a divorce. 

A lot happened in a very short amount of time from when he told me it was over to when my second child was born.  The situation would have been tremendously hard even if I had not been pregnant, but adding that into it made the whole situation even more difficult.  I now look back at this time and realize that being in my final trimester in a way made me stronger.  I had to be strong and there were things that I had to decide I couldn't control and let them go.  God's timing is perfect.  If I accept that than I also have to accept that the timing of all of it was as it should be.  I can't say that I am ok with that!  :-)  In fact there are times when I think about it that it really gets my blood boiling, but the truth is having a small child about to come into the world made me keep my head on straight and not give up.  I knew that the Lord loved me and he would not give me more than I could handle.   I had many conversations with the Lord that started with," I guess you think I can handle A LOT... I guess that is a compliment, but really I don't think I can take anymore.  It was those conversations... I was bluntly honest with God...that I gained the most peace and insight about what was going on in my life.  I have learned from that if I am honest and come to God with an open heart talking with him he will show you what you need, and he will give you peace about the things that you can not control or change.  

I was not ready to get a divorce, in fact I did not give up even after the divorce was final up to a point.  I knew what I wanted, and I knew what I thought was right. Divorce did not fit into that.  It definitely did not fit into what I wanted for my kids, but I was not the person making the choices that were pulling us apart. Family is one of the most important things to me, and seeing my family being ripped apart in front of my eyes was so hard.  I didn't want that kind of future for my boys.  I couldn't believe that my X wanted or could be ok with that.  It was something that was so out of his character.  

During the first few weeks and for some people all the way until my son was born I didn't tell or talk about what was going on.  I told my Mom a few weeks after he told me.  When he was sure... see after he told me the next week he was taking a week to "think" he was going out of town for work and was going to think about things.  I was hoping so much that he would come back and have a different outlook on things.  We definitely had problems, but I wasn't ready to give up on us.  I somehow felt like if I told someone else it would make it real.  The people at my work didn't know until after my son was born.  I didn't tell any of them because it was hard enough for me to get through the day and I felt like if I had to deal with "the looks" and people saying they were sorry that I would be an even bigger mess.  I was a huge mess!  

After he told me that it was over I can specifically remember that week after.  I would be sitting at my desk at work and suddenly feel the tears coming.  I'd get up and go hide outside in the back of the building.  Until I felt like I could hold it together and then I would go back in.  No one said anything.  If they noticed they took the prego hormones excuse as the reason.  I looked horrible... puffy eyes red nose.  Really just a huge mess.  When I did tell my Mom I spent most of that conversation crying.  I can't imagine how hard that call must have been for my Mom!  

When I think back on the time when I felt like I couldn't share this with my coworkers, family...Even his family. I wish I would have told them.  Having support from those who love you and care about you is very important.  It can make a situation that is hard bearable.  I felt at the time like I didn't want to share because I was ashamed.  I felt like such a failure. I didn't realize then that we all fail.  We all go through hard times and that having your family and friends to help you through it makes the hard time the failure and feelings easier to get through.  Surround yourself with people who love you, understand you, and who will uplift you.  When you are going through a rough time you should be able to trust the people who are around you to be not just for you but back you 100%  That said.  It is good to have those friends who you know no matter what will tell you the complete and total truth.  When it's time to make hard decisions having people who will not just tell you what you want to hear but what is the truth is so important.    

I also want to share that no matter what your situation is there is always hope.  You may feel like you are in a deep dark pit that is never ending and you can't see a way out, but do not give up hope.  There is a way out you just can't see it yet.  Have faith God is in control!  Look to him for comfort and for guidance.  I am living proof that even the really bad stuff can work out.  Life can turn out in ways that you never thought possible.  I am remarried and expecting another child.  My kid's are doing great!  I am happy and life is good.  There are still times that are hard.  Times when the things that happened hurt like they were fresh, but life is so much better than I could have dreamed it could be during that time when it seemed like my whole life was falling apart.  Keep your chin up.  Get up everyday and keep going.  Even if your only goal for the day is to just get through it that is an accomplishment.  Each day is a gift from God!   

All of this blog are my opinions, memories, and feelings.  I am sharing these in hopes of helping people who may have gone or may be going through a hard time in life.  I am not sharing any of this because I want to hurt anyone.  I am not like that and would never dream of sharing something with a purpose of being hurtful in any way.