It's Wednesday! Which all by it self makes today a great day! I can remember when I was in elementary school my Mom would tell me, "It's hump day your half way there." I was not a fan of school until a little later in my schooling years so getting me up to go to school I am sure was a bit of a chore. Somehow knowing you are half way there makes you feel like you can get going and face the day.
This week has been remarkable better than last week. Which, really would have been pretty easy to do. I am so glad that things are looking up though. I think it is matter of state of mind more than anything. The past few weeks... probably more like a month I have just been in a weird funk. Do you go through times like that? I was grumpy! Personally, I am going through some trials that are really hard, frustrating, and have me on an emotional roller coaster. High, High's and Low Low's, and they could be within minutes of each other. I would start the day off just feeling down and it would just get worse from there. Then, the added stress of kids, laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc., etc., etc. I knew what was going on, but I couldn't seem to drag myself out of it. I prayed, I knew that I needed to stop stressing, I knew that all will be OK I just couldn't get to my happy place.
What has changed? Well, a lot more praying! Also, realizing that no matter what... I really don't like being unhappy all the time and it was making everything else that I go through on a daily basis so much harder. I felt so out of my element... I am usually a happy person no matter what is going on. (You know one of those happy people who always see's the good in the situation even if it's a bad one.) I thought I had given it to God, but I continued to take it back and stress over it. Which, I knew was a really bad idea and would not help, but... It was like when I tell my kids no and they keep on and on saying but, but, but. I just couldn't let it go. I (think) I have given it completely over now. That has relieved a great deal of stress. When I got to the point of... it really doesn't matter because it will all work out (and it all really is out of my control anyway) I knew and know this, as it has happened repeatedly in my life. I just didn't want to let this one go.
What could possibly get the "happy to a fault" girl down. Well, I don't really get a break these days from babies. Which is a good thing and a bad thing all at once. I love taking care of kids. It is an amazing blessing! It is also the hardest job I have ever had. I love these kiddo's so much! There are days... some days it is really hard to stay "up"! Teething babies, toddlers that are curious and getting into something every waking moment. They are all girls and they are seriously mean little buggers sometimes. Then you blink and they are the sweetest most innocent wonderful little munchkins ever! LOL High High's and Low Low's. Then you add in some stress from the outside world. Such as school just started and my teenager has all sorts of things that he needs money for(not like 5-10 bucks more like hundreds.) Another huge stress has been that I can't seem to fill or keep my spots filled for my daycare. It makes it pretty hard to continue to do something even if I love it if it is not paying the bills. I love the families that I care for. I have made great friendships that I don't want to loose. I love the kids I care for. When I think about not getting to be at home with my kiddos it rips my heart out! Plus, I start to go down the road of I can't get everything done now and I am home all day... how in the world am I going to get it all done if I am not here. Ya, that pretty much sums up the "stuff" that got this happy girl down.
This week is a tone better. I have let it go. It is in God's hands and where I land will be where I should be. I am making each moment last (as I should do everyday no matter what) I am making sure that at night I get some "me" time. I have also found that getting outside helped a lot for me. It is getting cooler so it is nice outside and I feel so much better when I have gotten some fresh air. Spending time everyday doing something I enjoy. I love taking pictures, reading, and writing. I have made sure that I have gotten to do at least one of these things everyday. The money stresses... I have decided that it will work out. Either I will find a job that pays better, or I'll get another kiddo to watch, or maybe both, or who knows really, but I know it will work out. It's not my money it's God's money anyway.
I also realized that the things that are really important have been taken care of. We have a roof over our heads, we have clothes, food, our health. All of the things that are most important have always been taken care of. Sure, I'd like to not have to figure out what can get paid, and what must wait. I'd love to be able to do, get, much more than we do. Yet, those things are not as important as the time, love, and fun I show and have with my family. So the happy girl is back! :-)
The difference in my state of mind has been a peace filled mind. I have given my worries to my God! I have faith all will be well. The peace that I have fills my days with joy instead of heartache and worry. If you are struggling with stress no matter how big I encourage you to give it to God and see what a difference a peace filled mind can make.